Here I Am

ReWire avatarThe cans were all tossed, and I knew I needed to quit. I started surfing the Internet for support, and landed on KTC pretty quickly. I started reading. It seemed these people really got it; understood where I was at.

The folks on the site seemed pretty smart, except for one thing. They had this idea that you would put your name on a list every day, and that would help in your quit. This seemed like silliness to me.

This went on for a few days. I would get on the site and read, occasionally someone was again talking about the importance of posting roll. Finally I thought, well I don’t really see how it could help, but what could it hurt?

So I did. I got registered, stumbled around and managed to find the quit groups. I read all the instructions again, and nailed my first post. (Just now decided I better go back and check; looks like I bumped a few. Sorry guys)

And so it began. I went about my day, still in a fog, still craving, but feeling just a little empowered, thinking about my name on that list. Later I checked back to make sure my name was still there. The next day, I put my name on the list again. I told friends that I quit dippping, and I’m in a group where you put your name on a list as a promise not to use. I told them it sounds silly but it’s working so far. They said congratulations, some rolled their eyes a little. They had seen me “quit” before.

The next day I posted roll, and the day after that. I had good days and bad days. I had days where I was all puffed up that I got this whipped now, only to hit a crave so bad I wanted to strangle the nearest living creature. Then I would remember that I had put my name on the list, and I couldn’t dip because I had promised all those folks that I wouldn’t.

Now here I am, over 100 days later. Sometimes it seems surreal that I’m not dipping anymore. Sometimes I pat my side pocket before getting in the car, to make sure I have my can. Sometimes I start reaching for the can after a meal. Those are habits that I can break. My addiction is nicotine, but I’m not using today, because I said I wouldn’t.

Are you addicted to nicotine? If you’re new here, or haven’t signed up yet, I cannot stress enough the importance of posting roll. Just put your name on that list, as a promise not to use nicotine today. If you are a man or woman of your word, then you’re good for the day. What about tomorrow? Who cares. I’m not using today, becuase I said I wouldn’t.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member ReWire

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2 Comments

  1. Hi, my name is karlie, I’m trying so to quit and have been unsuccessful. I’ve tried to sign in and become part of the KTC group and post my name but have not been able to sign in. Would someone please email me or call me to guide me in signing up and posting my name. I desperately want to quit this habit as I’m so concerned of oral cancer and it’s a habit I’ve hidden from everyone except family members and it’s not feminine at all. Please someone help me in signing in as I’ve tried several times and it’s not completing and allowing me to. Thank you so much.

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