Well….here I am at the HOF….again. As many of you know I have been here before…back in June of 2012. When I joined that group I jumped in and drank up all the kool aid I could get my hands on and tried hard to find a place with the “Leaders” of June. I started the sheet early and would get online often and pound my fist, scream, yell, and berate any and all late posters or people who did not see things the way I thought they should. So far this sounds like (Insert any name of BAQ here) that gave a fuck for his quit and his group. The big “but” here was that I was not quit…I was just a quitter. I did not get it, and deep down I knew that my quit was not as strong as it could have been. I never got digits….I didn’t think I needed them.
So for 100 days I stayed quit and kept up the facade that I was done for good….but as the members dropped…and we abandoned the sheet….and people stopped logging on I drifted away. I honestly don’t know how long after I stopped posting I caved , but it was not long.
For the next five years I dipped….I did cut way back, but I was still addicted and ashamed of myself for coming so close to beating this only to fail. So I came back…I did not remember my login name so I created a new account (oops). I was soon contacted by Quit…a vet who helped me get my old username and asked me those 3 questions. I knew they were coming, and for me it was the easiest thing to answer. This time I would do more listening and less shouting. This time I would reach out for help when I needed it. This time I would do it differently. This speech is different…I never wrote one the first time around.
So I sat back and tried to be a different member then I was five years ago. I got numbers and joined text groups and did more reading this time around. I have met so many strong people along the way that have saved my ass from a cave more than a few times….and they didn’t even know it. I was also surprised by the amount of people that remembered me five years later. Brett and I reconnected….a few others popped in and said hi and welcome back….not once did I feel like I was a caver crawling back. They all wanted me to succeed this time.
So Thanks Slick, Low&slow, Cone, and quit for having my back. Thanks Leo, Mojo, JustinJ, Kramer, JD, LCMB, Ralph, Donkey, and Cantrap for being the leaders you are in May 17. Thanks Big Sexy for that avatar and for helping me get it….June fell apart for me, and reading what your old group went through really helped me find my place in May. A big thanks to anyone I forgot…I know you’re out there.
So that’s my story…I did not post the most, or yell the most (still got in a little trouble though) but I tried to find a home with all you guys and girls. Now that I have hit the hall the battle begins. I’ve quit with you all for 99 days…..and I’ll quit with you 99 more….in my addict mind 100 means I’m cured. I’ll never post 100.