I’ve decided finally that is was time to write some words after 200 days into this lifetime journey. I wanted to take this opportunity to reach out to those potential quitters that have searched or stumbled upon the world of KTC or as I like to refer to it as, my lifeline. This place, this sanctuary has helped saved my life.
If you are an active addict of nicotine quite possibly you’re reading this with a mouthful of that sickening waste. I’d like to ask you for a few minutes of your undivided, honest time. I’d like for you to go in front of a mirror and pull down your lip. What do you see? Be honest with yourself. Do you see something that is awe inspiring or do you see something that disgusts you? I saw the very thing as you. I saw it for 30 years of my life. I allowed that waste to control every aspect of my being for 30 years. Read that sentence again. Do you see me putting blame to that waste? You don’t and you won’t because I take full responsibility for my actions. I am an addict. Am I ashamed of that title? Absolutely I am but what I am not ashamed of is that I am no longer an active addict. You may read those words and scoff at them. Perhaps you can’t justify labeling yourself that, “just because” you chew. You might be the type that needs harsher words to make you understand what you really are, that being a filthy, disgusting, disgraceful piece of garbage of a human being. You have two choices after reading those words, get pissed off or agree. Which did you choose? Like many of us did you may want to defend your “habit” to the death because you “love it” so much. If your that person, now it’s my turn to scoff at you. Why? Because neither do you love it or is it your “habit”. You are being controlled. How does it feel knowing that a substance is controlling you? Ponder that for a minute.
I, like many that have walked these halls of KTC, was too much of a coward to stop the controlling. That nicotine had a stranglehold on me, one that I never thought I would break loose from. It all came down to sheer determination and hatred to overcome what had power over me, for so very long.
To try and give a description of what life is without nicotine is almost not possible. My satisfaction comes in many ways. I no longer have that gut wrenching breath, I no longer wipe my mouth after having to spit and see that repulsive brown stain, I no longer have to hear the words from my wife when I ask for a kiss, “when was the last time you had a chew.” The “no longers” are endless. The feeling of waking every morning and saying to myself, ” I’m not going to chew today.” Those are some of the most powerful words that I have spoken in 30 years.
I’m an addict. Are you?