Like so many others I decided to quit for someone else. My son found my chew right after a D.A.R.E. officer did a nicotine is a drug speech at his school. My son is 11. He asked me to come into another room and speak to him. He cried and asked me why. I told him if it meant that much to him I’d quit. Two days later I was sneaking a chew. That’s what did it for me. I was infuriated that tobacco had such a hold over me that it could make me lie to and hide from my son. I found KTC that night and decided I was done.
What I’ve learned is that it is never done. She is always there. Waiting. Whispering. Lying. Hiding. Pretending to leave. Waiting in ambush because she wants to kill you. Just when you think your safe she whispers to you ever so softly. It’s fucking scary. I’m an addict and I will never be free. I must remain vigilant. Every. Single. Day.
It terrifies me that I see guys who were free for a year, two years, five years come back and post day one. It terrifies me because I know I’m no different than they are. We are like a pack of gazelles here man. If one of us strays from the herd that fucking lion bitch ( play on words there…lying bitch) will haul us down and kill us. We have to stay together. Our strength is in the community here at KTC. Sure there is always going to be those who can hack it alone. Who don’t need the daily promise. I am not one of those guys. Most of us aren’t whether we think we are or not. Why risk being one who gets eaten.
I’ve learned some things after 23 years of addiction. I couldn’t manage my own stress anymore. Nic did that for me. A lot of the anger we feel in the beginning is our inability to cope with life without nic. Learning to handle stress events is key to not caving. It’s all new to me.
I learned that you really do have to quit for you.
I learned I wasn’t alone. Other folks ninja dipped. Other folks knew that sense of panic trying to sneak chew with you on vacation. Finding out you were super low or out. Hiding. Lying. Who the fuck did I let this crap turn me into.
I learned I was stronger than some bitch ass weed. I thought I couldn’t stop. I believed I couldn’t. I believed her lies. I thought I couldn’t live without it. I found out I can and it’s pretty damn cool.
I found out my wife likes kissing me more.
I get laid more.
I’m not scared to smile in case I have chew in my teeth.
I’m not sneaking away to pop one in real quick.
Food tastes a bit different without a mouth full of spit.
The worlds a different place on this side of the fence.
I will always be an addict. You don’t always have to be addicted.
It’s really easy. It’s not as hard as that lying bitch wants you to believe. It will suck for a few days but you can do it.
Put the can down. Flush your stash. Post roll today. Promise me and everyone else you will quit using nicotine today. Then tomorrow I’ll quit with you and we will do it all over again.
I’m Bulldog0311. I’m a former Marine Corps Infantryman. I’m a husband, a father and a son. I’m also an addict and if I can quit this shit so can you. Peace.